Headlines, Headlines Everywhere

"100 Places To See Before You Die." 
(Only a hundred? At a trip a year, this will take a while)

"Why Women Aren't Crazy."
(What man in his right mind would read this?  'No, hun, I didn't ever think you were crazy.')

"New Florida Law Outlaws Computers." 
(Speaking of crazy....)

"Harmful Parasites in Cat Poop Are Widespread."
(Too much information, by a very, very long shot)

"Goofy David Hasselhoff Ad Goes Viral."
(If we'd used the word 'viral' in the 80's, that would be where this line belonged)

"10 Ways For An ADD Writer To Be OOH, SHINY...."
(I like being ooh, shiny)

"Apple Guilty of Ebook Price Conspiracy."
(Speaking of the 80's--back then, this headline would've made no sense whatsoever.)

"The Most Stolen Vehicles Are...."
(Are what?  Red?  Fluffy?  Expensive?  Stolen?  Left unlocked?  Parked in Memphis?  What?)

"Two Families Die In The Other Plane Crash"
(The "other" plane crash?  Really?)

Taking a break from my already-long day at work this morning, once the clock on the wall hit oh-something-thirty (heck, I don't know--the little and the big hands were both obscured by floating coffee cups), I poked into my e-mail, CNN's web site, and a few other places.  It struck me when I did so how bewildering just our headlines would be to someone who wasn't "from" here. 

Then again, I'm not sure if they weren't more bewildering because I am "from" here, and thus have some context within which to become confused, amazed, or just plain creeped out. 

And now that I'm home, sipping on a mildly adult beverage while hammering on my keyboard, what I really have to say is this: we live in weird times, indeed.

- TOSK