An Interview With Crystal

If you haven't read the Return of the Gods series yet--well, why not?

*ahem* sorry.  Anyway, if you haven't read the Return of the Gods series yet, you might wish to do so before reading this interview.  It's got a couple of spoilers in it.

========== SPOILER ALERT==============
There, you've been warned.

One lucky Gentle Reader was invited to the home of Matt and Crystal to interview the new goddess after the release of Deception: Return of the Gods.  Here's how it went:

GR: Um, hello, um, your....  Um, how does a lowly human address a goddess, if I may ask?

Crystal: You can start with my name, I suppose.  Please, have a seat.  Not there; that's Matt's seat.  My husband may join us later on, but right now he's out in the field teaching the dragons not to eat our readers.

GR: Oh.  And, um, I'm glad for that.

Crystal (laughing):  Oh, come on.  You're acting like you know nothing about either my husband or me.

GR: Well, it's one thing to read about your exploits, and another thing entirely to be here in the room with you, Crystal.

Crystal: Oh, I suppose.  We still put our pants on one leg at a time, though.

GR:  Unless you conjure them...

Crystal:  Fine.  Unless I conjure them.  In that case one leg at a time would look silly, though, right? 

GR: Right.

Crystal: Okay, so.  Was that the only question you came to ask?  It's a short interview if that's the case.

GR:  No!  No, I'm sorry.  I must confess to being a bit star-struck, but I'll put my normal hat back on.  So, *ahem* favorite food?

Crystal: Fried okra.

GR: No, I meant your favorite food.  Matt's the fan of fried okra, isn't he?

Crystal: He is, but I've learned to like them too.  Back before we had an entire kitchen staff preparing food for us I had to learn to fry them up for him.  The first batch was a disaster, all blackened and shrunk like they were.  But I learned, and I really like them. 

GR:  Crystal, you've been through a lot, and you've kept your cool through most of it.  You're married to the God of War, and the two of you nearly torched the building.  You've faced Thor in battle.  You've defeated Aphrodite in mortal combat.  You dove into lava, even.  So is there anything that someone of your stature is still even the slightest bit afraid of?

Crystal: Spiders.

GR: Of course n...wait.  Spiders? 

Crystal: Spiders.  Aracnicus deathicus.  You know, the things that come at you with all the little eyeballs, eight legs, and two long fangs.  *sticking two fingers out like fangs from her mouth*

GR: Can't you just, I don't know, burn them?

Crystal: I did.  Very nearly set my entire closet on fire, in fact, soon after we arrived.

GR: There are spiders here?  Somehow I never thought of Matt as the type to allow spiders on his property.

Crystal: I didn't either, especially with his having seen how high I can jump when I encounter one of the little beasts.  Turns out he's not, actually.  Sorscha was playing a practical joke on me.  It took her several months to come out and admit it.

GR: So you're the goddess of protection of everything but spiders?

Crystal: No, them too, as long as they don't attack me.

Is there anything you've always wanted to ask Crystal?  Feed them into the comments here and I'll decide how she'd answer.

- TOSK